How To Train Your Man Like A Dog

Train Him While He's Still a Puppy

Men are much more moldable as a puppy, and when I say puppy I don't mean young in age. I mean early in the relationship. Early on he's still learning you. He's still trying to understand who you are, what you're about, what he can get away with, and what he can't get away with. That's the window where he decides how strict his owner actually is.

So that is when you train the most, and when you're the biggest stickler, the drill sergeant. Because once he's no longer a young pup, old dog, new tricks, and now you're asking him to change what he's been doing this entire relationship. Harder, not impossible.

Never Get Soft, Because He's Waiting To See It

Men aren't bad people and they're not evil, but they will take advantage of you when they see you getting soft. They're just waiting to see it. And it's easy to get soft. You really like this guy, he's your type, so maybe you won't be as hard on him. Or the relationship develops and you take your foot off the gas. That's the problem. Men don't just need to hear your rules once. They need to see you be consistent with them the entire relationship.

Getting soft is about the exceptions you make and why you're making them. It's easy to hold the line with the guys you barely like. The problem starts when you actually like the guy, because now it's, I don't want to make him feel away, it's just a small problem, and if I address it maybe he'll be mad that I addressed it. Or you make the exception because he's really hot, he's really rich, he's more of something than the average guy. He notices. And then it's, my owner got soft on me, my owner's lonely, I'm the exception, so now it's time to take advantage of her.

Give Every Misbehavior a Consequence, and Expect the Test

Your dog doesn't wake up as a puppy and say, I want to take advantage of my owner, I want to misbehave, I want to poop on the carpet. What he's doing is inching toward the line to see what happens. Do I get away with it or not? Is there a punishment for the things I do or not? If there isn't, he keeps going. Even if he didn't start off as a puppy out of the womb trying to disrespect you, he learns he can behave however he wants to behave, and the disrespect increases.

Then comes the test. Say your boundary is that you want him scheduled and organized when he asks you out, no last minute. You address it. Two weeks later, I'm in your area, can I pull up on you right now? He heard you the first time. He heard you set the standard. What he's checking now is whether you'll actually be consistent with it. So expect it and embrace it. Today is a great day, my dog is trying me, and I'm gonna show him why I am the owner. When you show him you're consistent, he falls back in line.

Make Access to You the Treat and the Punishment

You and access to you are the treat and the punishment at the same time, and please, please listen, because this is probably the most important part of the whole thing. It only works if you set it up correctly, which means he approached you, he decided he wants you and desires you, and he acted on it. This is why I say do nothing for men, because you let them come to you.

Now you get to say, perfect, you want access to me? These are my demands, and if you're not prepared to meet them you will not get access to me. He'll capitulate, because he already decided he wants you. But make the first move yourself and he never got to decide, so when you take access away, all he says is, why would I care about that?

Reward the Action, Never the Man

Say he plans out a really romantic date. Halfway through you hold his hand, you look him deep in his eyes, and you tell him in detail how much you appreciate that he planned this dinner and took you to your favorite spot in the city. You go on and on about the thing that he did, the thing that he did, the thing that he did.

What you never do is reward him for existing. Your muscles are so big, your jawline's so sharp, I can't believe you're six foot six. Stop. You think you're giving your dog a compliment that feels good. What your dog actually receives is, I can misbehave, because I'm way more special than all the other dogs. Imagine telling your puppy that because he's so cute, he can pee all over your bed. Not the outside puppies though. Just him.

Punish With Silence, Never With a Speech

You might think, okay, if I reward him with words when he takes me on that romantic date, then in the opposite do I sit him down, hold his hand, and tell him how bad he's been? No. Absolutely not. Your dog does not even understand what that means, and neither does your man. What you say is never what he receives. What he receives is more attention, more time, more energy. Time, attention and energy is the dog treat, so telling him off has the exact opposite effect.

Real punishment is that he gets absolutely no time, no energy and no attention, and you don't announce it. Telling him you're mad, telling him you're upset, telling him you're not gonna be texting him today, none of that makes your dog feel like he doesn't exist. It just gives him more of you. And this works either way. Either he knows what he did and apologizes, or he has no idea, but he feels the shift and comes asking what's wrong. That question opens the floor. Now you get to say, if you want my time, attention and energy back, these are the things that have to change. But the choice is yours.

And understand what this is for. Silence is the answer to a man who disrespects you. It is not the answer to a man who scares you.

Never Call It Cute, and Address It While It's Small

Take the guy who never plans anything, who calls and says, I'm in your area right now, can I pull up. At the beginning it feels cute. We're so spontaneous, me and him just vibe. It's the same as a puppy nibbling your finger and scratching at the couch with nails too small to do any damage. Then he grows up, and the scratching rips the couch, and the little pebble of poop becomes a steamy hot one that smells up the whole room. Now you're scrambling, asking how do I retrain my dog.

That's why you have to understand what you can and can't tolerate for life. Some of it we share. I can't tolerate a man cheating on me, I can't tolerate a man who isn't loyal. But you'll also have your own. I don't tolerate a man speaking to me that way. I don't tolerate him DMing a girl or liking girls' pictures. Whatever you would not put up with for an entire relationship, address it the moment you see it, and anticipate it escalating. The more comfortable he gets, the more the mask comes off.

Know the Difference Between Disrespect and Danger

And I want to be plain about one thing. Everything I've said here is about disrespect, and disrespect is a training problem. Danger is not. If a man is putting his hands on you, or he genuinely scares you, nothing here applies to him, and I don't want you reading it like it does. That wasn't a boundary he tested. It wasn't something you were too soft about, and there's no version of you that trained him better. If that's your relationship, don't try to manage it. Get yourself somewhere safe and talk to people who do this for a living.

Train for Respect, and Never Try To Train a Wolf

Men speak the language of respect, not love. Your man does love, he just doesn't love the same way that you love. So the way you answer, does my man love me, is by answering, does my man respect me. Does he respect my boundaries? Does he make me repeat myself a million times? Watch how he talks about the people he actually respects, whether it's his dad, his older brother or his mentor. He speaks highly of them and he acts differently around them. You only train your dog properly when you get your dog to respect you properly.

And then there's the one man none of this works on. The prerequisite to training your dog is that your dog actually has to want to be your dog. You wouldn't go out into the wild, find a grown wolf that's happy being a wolf, and drag it home to turn it into a pet. It's gonna rebel, because that is not what the wolf wants to do. Some men genuinely enjoy listening to you and making adjustments for you, because they want to be your man. Others want to take advantage of you, talk to you crazy and ignore you. Perfect. Go live your life as a wild wolf, some other woman can deal with you. It will not be me. Don't stress yourself out.