Yes, you heard me correctly. Treat men like dogs and they'll be obsessed with you, because men are so much more like dogs than you ever realized. Once you understand what your dog wants, what your dog is motivated by, and what your dog can't stand, you can influence his actions and his emotions for your benefit.
That's exactly what I'm breaking down here: training, treats, punishment, the chase, all of it. By the end, you'll be such an amazing dog trainer that other women will be begging you to train theirs too.
Train Your Puppy Early or Pay for It Later
Women make this mistake all the time. The puppy jumps on the couch, rubs his butt on the carpet, nibbles your finger, and because he's small and cute, you don't address it. Horrible, horrible mistake. That untrained puppy grows into a 150 pound adult dog still jumping on the couch, still leaving a trail on the carpet, and now when he bites your finger, you actually bleed. And by then, those behaviors are set in stone. Untraining an adult dog is exponentially harder than training a puppy.
It's the exact same in your relationship. Early on, when he disrespects you or crosses a boundary, you let it slide because it's the first date and you don't want to be a drama queen. But three months turns into three years, and suddenly the behaviors you were okay letting go when he was a small puppy are huge issues. Here's the reality check: it's not fun to address things early, and it never feels necessary, because the problems don't feel big yet. Address them anyway. That's when the training actually takes.
Find His Favorite Dog Treat: Desire Comes in Three Flavors
The number one motivation for dogs will always be food. For men, their food is desire, and it comes in three flavors: the desire to be respected, the desire for physical intimacy, and the desire to feel validated. Every man you ever meet has one flavor of dog treat that gets him the most excited, the one that gets his tail wagging from a different room. Your job as his owner is to figure out which one is his, because that's the treat you dangle when you want to motivate him.
Say you want him to get you a pair of heels. You get on the phone with your girlfriend, strategically, in the room with the thin walls, and you say, girl, I don't know how this man does it, he always gets me the exact perfect gift even if I mention it one time. I wouldn't be surprised if he got me those heels I pointed out last week. Now he's overhearing a conversation he wasn't supposed to hear, and his brain goes to work: she's telling people I'm the man with the gifts, I have to prove her right, wait, which heels did she mention last week? You dangled respect and validation in front of him, and he'll move mountains to fit the narrative.
The Only Punishment That Works Is Ignoring Him
When your dog does something bad, stop looking at him and telling him he's been a bad dog. Your dog does not understand the words coming out of your mouth. All your dog understands is that you're giving him attention, and attention is your number one currency. If you actually want him to stop the bad behavior, the moment he does it, you must pretend your dog does not even exist.
Practice the art of making him feel invisible when he behaves poorly. Let him bark, let him make noise, and give him absolutely nothing back, until he wonders if his existence still exists. Losing your attention is genuinely painful for him, and he does not want to sit in that pain for long. That pain is what motivates him to correct the behavior. Not your speeches. Not your crying. The silence.
He Learns From Associations, Not Words
Why does your dog lose his mind when you say, you want to go for a walk? Not because he knows what walk means in the dictionary. Because every time he's heard that word, the experience that followed was sunshine, sniffing trees, and having the time of his life. The word means nothing. The association means everything.
Your man is the exact same way. He doesn't process what you say nearly as much as what he experiences from you directly after you say it. And a lot of women run this backwards. You tell him, you really hurt my feelings, I hate when you do this, and then right after the cheap apology, he gets access to your body. You think you delivered a negative message. What he actually learned is: when she's upset, I end up receiving pleasure. That's like telling your dog he's been a bad dog and then taking him for a walk every time you say it. Eventually, bad dog means great things. If you want your words to mean something, make sure what he experiences after them matches what you said.
Let Him Chase. He Never Gets Tired of It
You're at the park with that bright neon green tennis ball, and the second you throw it, your dog cannot help himself. Something in his nature propels him after that ball. Now ask yourself: on the 375th fetch, after years together, is he any less excited? No. A dog loves to chase because a dog was made to love to chase.
Your man is the same. Do not fight it, embrace it. And most importantly, never believe the chase stops being enjoyable for him just because you've been together three, four, five years. Give him space to chase you no matter how long he's had you. Let there be moments where you're slipping through his fingers a little, where he has to work a little harder and reach a little farther. That tension isn't a problem in your relationship. It's the game he was built to play.
Take Him Off-Leash to Build Real Trust
If you want an ultra-trained dog, you have to practice letting him off-leash. The first time, he realizes, I have free rein here, my owner doesn't technically have control over me. And then comes the realization that matters: just because I can act out of character doesn't mean I will. I choose to stay close and respect the rules, even though I'm free.
Your man needs those same moments. Space to recognize, I could disrespect my relationship right now and she might never find out, and I choose not to, not because my woman is breathing down my neck, but because I respect her and I respect what we have. You cannot surveil a man into loyalty. But every time he's off-leash and chooses you anyway, the trust between you compounds, until one day the leash isn't even needed at all.
Tell Him He's a Good Boy
I'm being very serious. When your man takes a positive action, you need to verbally and even physically make him feel like a good boy right after. That dopamine hit, arriving directly after the action, is what teaches him: every time I do this, I get this reaction from her, and I want to keep feeling this. That's positive reinforcement, and it's how you get more of what you want.
Here's the trap to avoid: thinking, well, he's just doing what a man should do. He's just taking me on dates, just buying me flowers, that's the bare minimum. If you receive those things with a flat face and no acknowledgment, your dog is actually confused about whether that was even the right action. Without the good boy treatment, the behavior you loved starts to fade, not because he stopped caring, but because you never confirmed it landed.
Leave Stray Dogs Alone, and Never Silence His Inner Guard Dog
Not every dog wants to be domesticated. Some dogs are for the street. They love being wild, they don't want a home, and if you stick your hand out expecting sweetness, they'll bite you. And when that bite carries a disease, you can't unreceive it. And just that fast, trying to save a stray has cost you something permanent. So be honest with yourself: are you trying to domesticate a wild dog? You will not succeed, and you'll put your own safety and peace at risk trying.
The flip side: when a good dog has spent real time with you, his inner guard dog comes out. He wants to protect you, check on you, ask if you're safe and if you need to be picked up. I know it can occasionally feel restricting, but if you suppress that instinct, you'll succeed only in creating a docile, passive dog. And you will hate it. You'll look at him doing nothing while danger walks past and think, what a useless dog you are. Let your man protect you. That's not insecurity, that's his nature doing exactly what it should.
Want this lesson as a guide?
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Questions women ask me about this
- Why do men love the chase so much?
- Because it's in their nature, the same way a dog was made to chase the tennis ball. And it never wears off: on the 375th throw, the dog is just as excited. Keep giving your man room to pursue you no matter how long you've been together, and his obsession stays alive.
- How do I get a man to stop a bad behavior without arguing?
- Withdraw your attention completely the moment the behavior happens. Attention is your number one currency, and losing it is genuinely painful for him. Lectures just give him attention anyway, but feeling invisible motivates him to correct himself fast.
- Should I praise a man for things he's supposed to do anyway?
- Yes. If you treat his dates, gifts, and effort as the bare minimum and give nothing back, he gets confused about whether it was even the right action, and the behavior fades. Tell him he's a good boy right after he does right, and he'll chase that feeling again and again.
- Can you change a man who doesn't want to commit?
- No. Some dogs are for the street, and not every dog wants to be domesticated. Trying to force it puts your own wellbeing at risk and rarely works. Save your training for a man who actually wants a home.
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