How to Teach Men How to Treat You

Your Word Is Bond

Picture a little boy playing inside a fenced area. Inside that fence, he can run around, go on the swings, eat dirt, do whatever his heart desires. What he can't do is exit the fence, because outside is the road and everything dangerous. Here's what you have to understand about men: at some point, that little boy will attempt to be sneaky and exit the fenced area. I can guarantee it. And when it happens, you have a decision to make. Are you going to abide by your word on what you would or wouldn't do, or are you going to go back on it because of the vibes?

Perfect example. First date, you mention you're not the type for first dates at a guy's house, you like to be courted. Then the date goes really well, he's funny, he's interesting, and two hours in he says, I know you don't like going to guys' houses, but the vibes are immaculate, maybe we go back to my place and have some wine. Your boy has just escaped the fence. If nothing happens when he plays outside the fence, he will keep playing outside the fence and go wherever he wants.

And this isn't just about saying no. It works in the positive direction too. If you say you're going to the gym five days a week, go. If you say family and your goals take priority on certain days, let that be true. When men learn your word is your bond, they take everything you say into account, because they know action comes directly after it. That's how a man knows his approach to you has to be in line with what you say you desire.

Accept the Compliment, Because Men Treat You How They Perceive You

When a guy approaches you at the start, he might be mesmerized by you, your hair, your smile, your whole aura. One of the easiest mistakes to make is refusing him the runway to express how amazing he thinks you are because you don't think you're amazing. You know the move: oh, I don't even look that good today, I look like trash. You think it's humbleness. It's not. You're teaching him that he shouldn't compliment you, shouldn't admire you, and that he should start noticing your very detailed flaws instead.

What I want you to do instead sounds simple: get good at appreciation. I know I'm beautiful, but it's so amazing to hear you say it. That cycle of compliment and appreciation is supposed to continue over the course of time. If instead you keep answering his admiration with no, I'm not, eventually he goes, hm, I guess you're not. And the compliments come less and less, the obsession fades, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: you convinced him you're not that amazing, so he treats you like you're not that amazing.

Men will treat you how they perceive you. I'm going to say it again because it's the spine of this whole lesson: men will treat you how they perceive you. If he perceives you as the princess, the woman of his dreams, he treats you as such. If he perceives you as a peasant, he treats you as such. We are cementing his perception of you so we can cement his treatment of you.

Use Contrast: When He Acts Up, Go Silent

When a man isn't acting right and your response is to yell, scream, and throw a tantrum, something strange happens. Men respond a lot like dogs here. If you scream at your dog, the dog can't understand language, but it understands tone, and it might mistake your loud, energetic voice for excitement. Same with men: you think you're communicating I'm upset, but what he receives is attention. Your voice is loud, your energy is on him, and attention feels good. He might even conclude he's been a good boy.

So when he acts like a bad dog, don't get hype. Get silent. Silence makes a man ask himself questions. He's used to your warmth, your interest, your questions, your deep feminine attention, because that's the dynamic you built when things were good. When that suddenly disappears, he feels the change in your energy and has to use his own critical thinking to figure out what needs to be addressed. Once he addresses it, you return to being happy. That contrast between how it feels when he's good to you and how it feels when he's not is what actually trains the change.

I know it sounds toxic, the silent treatment in person. And I know it can be painful, the same way you feel bad putting your dog on timeout when his ears go all floppy. Do it anyway. The stark contrast, from the very beginning, is what communicates that something is actually wrong, without handing him a single drop of rewarding attention for bad behavior.

Self-Care Sets the Price Before He Says a Word

From the moment a man meets you, he's perceiving you, and perception changes how he chooses to treat you. So take care of the thing you can control. When you're clean, hygienic, and put together, his brain says, I've got to come correct. You don't have to dress like an IG baddie. If you're a goth girl in fishnets, fine. If you're a tomboy in baggy streetwear, fine. Inside whatever aesthetic you choose, look like you take care of yourself. There is no world in which men are attracted to women who look like they don't.

And yes, I mean everywhere: the grocery store, the library, all of it. Anywhere you go, you can meet a man who wants to date you. If he approaches you on the day you decided to go out looking like a bum, the perception he builds is, she's low maintenance, I can get her on the cheap, I won't have to give much here. Some of you think that's romantic, he likes me without being done up. But you don't want the first idea forming in his mind to be that he can invite you over and expect everything from you without doing any work. Narratives matter to men, so control the narrative from the first glance.

Decline Low-Quality Offers With Three Words

Everything you do at the beginning builds the foundation for the rest of the relationship. If you decide you're a princess who deserves princess treatment, every decision has to align with that, including what you say yes and no to. Two offers land in your phone: one is a planned zoo date, one is come over and watch Netflix. The Netflix one is what we call low quality. Say yes to it and you break the illusion yourself: princess talk, but down for whatever.

So here's the entire script for declining an offer: no thank you. You can even put a smiley face, the old-school one with the two dots and the parenthesis. You don't explain yourself, you don't offer a second option, you don't negotiate an alternative. If he asks why, you say, not my cup of tea. That's all. No yelling, no arm twisting, no lecture. Just, no thank you, and then he doesn't hear from you.

Remember what teaching men how to treat you actually is: showing him there's only one road to success with you. He's free to choose whatever he wants. He just needs to know that if he's going to be in your life, it's because his offers carried real value and real effort.

Tell Stories That Prove You Decline

When you're chatting with a guy about your life, I want you to deliberately tell stories of times you declined low-quality offers. For example: last week my girls decided they wanted to go to the strip club, that was the vibe they were on. I told them, I love you, I like spending time with you, but I'm not going to the strip club. They complained, said I was boring. I said, that's just not my vibe, enjoy yourselves and tell me how it was.

That story does work for you. It shows him you're more than willing to turn down anything that doesn't fit who you are, even with people you love. You expect specific treatment because you see yourself a specific way, and your actual life aligns with that view. Every story like this stacks another brick in his perception: certain places, you simply will not be found. So when you later tell him no thank you, it's not a fluke. It's a pattern he's already heard evidence of.

Treat Yourself and Let Your Profile Show It

Here's the Gen Z point. Take the list of things you want a man to do with you, the fancy restaurant, the zoo, the aquarium, and take yourself to some of those places. Bring a girlfriend, save up, and treat yourself. You need to feel that you actually deserve those experiences even if no man has given them to you yet.

Then document it. Post the stories and let them live on your profile. You don't have to become a content creator posting 20 times a day. Just be aware that when a guy finally meets you, he will go through your profile to build his idea of you. Your profile is the digital representation of you. When he sees you out, spending on yourself, enjoying your life, it communicates, this is clearly the lifestyle she's used to living. It cements the perception before he ever plans the first date, and it quietly hands him the blueprint for how to approach you based on what you're already into.