Why Nothing Men Do Should Ever Bother You

You Cannot Control the Outcome With a Man

I know that in your mind you want so badly for the situation to work out with the specific guy you're most interested in. But you can only control yourself and how you show up as a partner. If that man chooses, chooses, chooses to not show up as the best version of himself, that is his choice. And you have to be okay with accepting that. You will not pass away just because you don't end up with that specific guy.

The outcome you're actually looking for is a healthy, long-lasting relationship with whoever fits that criteria. It was never about one particular man. If he chooses not to show up for you the way he should, then it's not him, and that's perfectly okay. It doesn't touch your ability to be happy in the future with a man who is actually prepared to show up for you.

Let a Man Show You His True Colors

This one is going to sound weird, but I don't want you to be bothered when men disrespect you. I want you to give him space so you can see how far he's really willing to go. I'm not telling you to let him walk all over you. I'm telling you to stop stepping in to prevent him from revealing himself.

Say he goes to a party and you find out his ex is there, and your intuition is screaming that something might happen. Your instinct is to call him, spam text him, pull up to the party, anything to stop the disrespect before it happens. No, you don't. No, you don't. Because the worst thing that could possibly happen is not him disrespecting you. The worst thing is you never finding out how far he would have gone because you stepped in before he could show you.

And here's the part I never want you to forget. If he's willing to disrespect you, who's actually losing? Not you. You showed up as the best version of yourself. He's the one losing access to you forever, and he's the one who will regret it forever. That's not a your-loss thing. That's something to celebrate.

The Scarcity Mindset Is a Virus

When you really like a guy, you get hyper-fixated on everything he does, the way he twitches his eyes, the way he holds his fork, and your mind starts telling you a lie: he is the only man that exists in this world, you only like a guy once in a blue moon, so you have to make this one work. That is a virus in your mind playing tricks on you.

There are lots of men out there. Because there are so many combinations of character, humor, looks, and personality, you are bound to find another man you're just as attracted to, as long as you put yourself out there. There will always be a man out there for you. The moment you drop the scarcity mindset, every little thing he says and does stops feeling like life or death.

Know What You Want Before the First Date

You must have your own goals for what you want out of a relationship, because without them, men get to bother you with whatever they choose to desire. When your desires are vague, you end up in this weird headspace where you're frustrated and unsatisfied but you can't even explain why, because you never defined what you actually wanted to receive.

When you walk into that first date already clear on what you expect and desire, you get a calm demeanor. When he tells you he doesn't want marriage or children, and you know you want both in the next three years, you don't feel offended. You feel relieved. His goals don't have to match yours, but the recognition that they're drastically different saves you from wasting years trying to build with a man who was never in alignment with you.

If Your Boundaries Push Him Away, He Was Never Building With You

If a man loses interest in you because you have boundaries, for example you don't sleep with men on the very first date, then he didn't like you enough in the first place for you to care what he thinks. You're allowed to be an individual with boundaries and preferences that don't mirror what he wants.

The men who respect you, desire you, and actually want to build with you will have no problem with the idea that you have boundaries. But the man who shows you less interest and less attention simply because you won't cross your own lines? He was never here to build with you. He was here to control you, take advantage of you, and extract resources from you. His exit is the filter doing its job.

When He Talks Himself Out of Access to You, Let Him

Sometimes you find a guy so attractive you almost want him to be quiet, because the more he talks, the more he ruins it. He starts telling you how he kind of mistreated his ex, or his mindset comes out a little toxic, or he reveals he's nowhere near ready for commitment. And instead of listening, you get flustered and think, I need to fix him, I need to get him out of this toxic mind state, I need him to want different things.

Why? Why do you need that? You don't. Let him be a bad partner somewhere else. If you're asking great questions on that date and he's literally talking himself out of getting access to you, let him talk himself out of getting access to you. It's a blessing in disguise, because now you can make an educated decision and not waste another second on a man who told you exactly who he is.

Everything a Man Does Is a Message

A man will always send you a message. Every action and every non-action is a communication of his level of interest or disinterest in you. When he's not texting you, not calling you, pretending he's busy 24/7, too tired to take you on a date but never too tired to invite you over to his place, that is not confusion. That is clarity. You know deep down what his non-action means. You just don't always want to accept it.

The same goes for pursuit. When a man doesn't approach you, doesn't ask for your number, doesn't ask you out, that is a decision in itself. His interest isn't at the threshold where he takes action, and a lot of the time it has more to do with where he's at in his life than anything about you. Maybe he has a whole girlfriend. Maybe he's simply not enough of a leader to sustain a relationship with you anyway. Either way, clarity is always a good thing, because clarity lets you make the best decision for your future instead of filling in blanks for a man who already answered you.

Never Pursue Him Just Because He Asks You To

Sometimes a man will express a desire like, I want you to text me first more, I plan all the dates, I feel like you don't really like me. And you start thinking you should do what he's asking so he feels wanted. Let it go in one ear and out the other.

Men don't actually want you to pursue them. They say they want it because it would make their life easier, but they are not attracted to women who pursue them. They are attracted to women they have to pursue. He's confused about the difference between what makes his life easy and what actually gets the best response out of him. The moment you start giving him that easy, soft life, he becomes complacent, he becomes comfortable, and that becomes the new norm of your relationship. You'll be stuck doing the pursuing forever just to keep it alive. Don't break the dynamic that made him want you.