The five things men find irresistible in women are it girl energy, high demand, scarcity, emotional security, and mystery. Notice what's not on the list: supermodel looks. Every one of these is about the energy you project and how you market yourself, which means every one of them is available to you exactly as you are.
Have you ever been on social media and seen a girl whose man is bending over backwards for her, flowers, trips, everything, while you can't even get a guy to text you back? The difference between you and her isn't the face or the body. It's that she gets men obsessed, and obsession is built from these five things. Let's go through them.
It Girl Energy: The Party Test
Picture two guys at a party. Guy number one is seven feet tall with a supermodel face and a fit body, and he's in the corner shriveled up like a raisin, shoulders down, staring at his drink, too shy to say a word to anyone. Guy number two is 5'8 with a dad bod, and he is the life of the party. Everyone's hugging him, laughing at his stories, the whole room feels centered on him. Who are you more attracted to? On paper it should be no competition, and yet you'd even consider guy number two. That tells you attraction is about more than what someone looks like: energy can be perceived, and it changes desire. That's great news, because it means you don't need the smallest waist or the biggest dump truck to be irresistible.
It girl energy is the confidence you carry that other people can feel, and it can only be exuded if you actually feel it. So here's my honest advice, and I do this myself every morning and every night, so don't think I'm handing you something I don't practice: spend time in silence, before bed and when you wake up, repeating, everyone is obsessed with me. Everyone is obsessed with me. If you have to lie to yourself at first, lie to yourself. You're brainwashing yourself into a belief, the belief starts showing up in how you move, and the results start confirming the belief. It's a snowball. Because right now, if you're scrambling after men begging please text me back, please like me, the real problem is you've already decided other women are worth more than you. How sad is it that I, a man, have to explain to you that you are worth just as much as them? That belief is step one. Everything else builds on it.
High Demand: Men Want What Other People Want
The most irresistible women are perceived as being in high demand, and this is pure human nature, it works on you too. Admit it: a man gets more attractive when you find out other women want him. It's groupthink. Think of celebrities everyone calls gorgeous where you privately thought, what does everyone see here? Then you heard it enough times and started seeing it too. The collective convinces the individual. You can use that: when a man sees other men wanting you, he convinces himself, I see in you what everyone else sees. I want you. And it doesn't wear off, it keeps working.
How do you show it? Subtly. If there's a guy you want at work, don't hide the fact that other coworkers enjoy you and gravitate to you. At a party, if another guy comes over to chat while the one you want can see, have the chat, laugh, let a little flirty energy flow back. Nothing toxic, no hands on anyone, just visible evidence that you're wanted. And yes, there's a sprinkle of jealousy in this, used positively: it reminds him how much he wants you, and that other men are in the running. Because here's the truth men don't say out loud: desirable women are a competition, and winning the most desirable woman is a reflection on him. His motivation to win you is what makes him act right, treat you with respect, and do the things you want done. The desperate version of you, so grateful that a man finally showed interest, tells him the opposite: nobody else wants her, so winning her says nothing about me.
Scarcity: The Stanley Cup Effect
Relationships mirror business, and business is just applied human psychology. So learn from the Stanley cup craze: a regular metal cup with a straw goes viral, sells out everywhere, and suddenly people are paying 10 and 100 times the price on eBay. Did the cup change? Not at all. Demand outran supply, scarcity created more demand, and the cycle fed itself until people convinced themselves the quality was extraordinary. Nobody evaluates the actual product anymore. That's what high demand plus scarcity does to the human brain, and a man's brain cannot turn it off even if he wants to.
You are the product and the marketer, so stop being available to everyone all the time. I'm not telling you to sit inside alone. I'm telling you that if you're accessible to anyone at any time, you're the free cup being handed out on the street, and human nature concludes that anything given away free can't be worth much, regardless of quality. And scarcity works even on people who already love you. If I tell you that you can eat anything in my whole kitchen, caviar, lobster, Jamaican patties, oxtail, plantain, everything, except the chocolate chip cookies in the jar on top of the fridge, what's the only thing you'll think about? Those silly cookies. Access to everything bores people. The one thing held back is the thing they crave.
Emotional Security: Be Whole Before You're Wanted
Emotional security means you believe in yourself, validate yourself, and are confident in yourself, so you're whole, and a whole person doesn't need anyone else's validation to know she's beautiful and valuable. It would be nice to hear, sure, but you don't need it, because you already believe it. Men feel that subconsciously in how you talk, how you treat them, and how you handle the relationship, even the emotionally stunted ones. And watch how the five things chain together: without emotional security there's no it girl energy, without it girl energy there's no high demand, without high demand there's no scarcity. This is the foundation.
So here's the assignment, and no, there's no magic pill, anyone selling you one is lying. Figure out what you're passionate about beyond being a girlfriend, because you are worth more than that role alone. And if you're on the couch saying, but I don't know what I like, get off your butt and go try things. You live in a microwave society with all the knowledge at your fingertips: type things to do in your city into TikTok, things to do in Toronto, in New York, in Manchester, and creators will hand you options that aren't a bar, a club, or a restaurant. Try what's uncomfortable. Wholeness is built through doing, not through waiting to feel it.
Mystery: The Woman Who Slips Through His Hands
I'll tell you the truth as a man: there is something fascinating about a woman who is about herself, into herself, moving through life with a glow. You see her and wonder, what is she like? How does she think? Where has she been? Every time you try to grab hold of her, she slips through your hands like water, and that gravitational pull makes you want to seek her out and understand her. That's mystery, and you don't need to be a CIA agent to have it.
Mystery is really just self-possession. When you're an independent thinker, when you make decisions because they're best for you, when you take yourself on dates and reward yourself and genuinely love yourself, people start to wonder about you: why isn't she fazed by the world? Why isn't she trying to be like everyone else? We all secretly admire people who are fully themselves, because deep down we all wish we were more of ourselves and less of everyone else. And here's the beautiful part: once the it girl belief is real, the rest of this stops being effort. You become high demand, scarce, secure, and mysterious naturally, just by being consumed with your own life. Nobody on this planet, not now, not ever, has your fingerprint. The mystery is just being more of you.
Want this lesson as a guide?
I turned this exact video into a free guide you can download and keep.
Questions women ask me about this
- What makes a woman irresistible to a man?
- Energy more than looks: the confidence she carries, the sense that other people want her, the fact that access to her is limited, her emotional wholeness, and the mystery of a woman fully consumed with her own life. Men experience all of that as magnetic, and none of it requires a supermodel face. A 5'8 guy with a dad bod outshines a shy seven-foot model at every party for exactly the same reason.
- Do men really want women that other men want?
- Yes, it's human nature and it works in every direction, you find men more attractive when other women want them too. It's groupthink: the collective's desire convinces the individual. For men there's an extra layer, because winning the woman everyone wants is a reflection on him, and that competition is precisely what motivates a man to act right and treat you well.
- How do I become more scarce without playing games?
- Build a life that genuinely limits your availability: passions, friends, plans, things that are actually competing for your time. Scarcity isn't ignoring texts for sport, it's not being available to everyone at all times. Think of the difference between a cup handed out free on every corner and the same cup that's sold out everywhere. Nothing about the product changes. Everything about the desire does.
- How do I get it girl energy if I don't feel confident?
- Start by brainwashing yourself, sincerely. Every morning and night, sit in silence and repeat, everyone is obsessed with me, until the belief starts driving how you move through the world. Pair it with action: try new things, build passions, take yourself on dates. Confidence follows evidence, and you create the evidence. If you currently believe other women are worth more than you, that belief is the first thing to fix.
Your situation is more specific than a blog post
If you want my honest take on YOUR exact situation, ask me directly. You send me the whole story, and I send you back a private voice answer with exactly what I would do next, plus a written guide to keep.
Ask Me A Question
