Do you find yourself absolutely confused about what men really want? Are you frustrated after years of trying your hardest to get men to chase after you, only to watch him pay all his attention to some girl who isn't even paying him any mind? Here's the answer in one line: men go crazy for the woman they have to work for, the one who ignores what doesn't benefit her, stays a little mysterious, and never hands out validation for free.
That girl isn't luckier than you. She's running a different playbook. So let's go through five real things you can actually do that will have men going crazy for you, and for once have them chasing after you like a hungry hyena.
1. Ignore Everything That Does Not Benefit You
I know, you're already saying, ignore him? This sounds toxic. Wait a second, because you can do two things at once: ignore him and not be a toxic person. I'm talking about ignoring the calls, the texts, the DMs, the TikToks, the reels, the Snapchats. None of that benefits you. The more you're talking to a man through a screen, the more attainable you become, and the more attainable you become, the less attractive you become. The dream girl is the dream girl because she's unattainable, and as men, we love doing the work of convincing her to want us.
Now, guys will tell you the opposite. I don't like girls who play hard to get, just tell me exactly how you feel, lay it all on the table. See, that's the trick. He's asking you to make it easy for him to not get attached, because deciphering how a woman feels is a very addictive process, and men know it. Lay all your cards out and you become the most uninteresting girl he knows, and then you get to watch him chase the girl who embodies everything he swore he didn't want. So squeeze the life out of every form of communication that isn't him taking you on a date and seeing you in real life. Dates require intention and scheduling. That's the hard thing, and the hard thing is what makes him go crazy.
2. Let Him Feel the Anxiety
When you really like a guy, you're invested in the relationship working, and there's nothing wrong with that. But watch what happens the moment he voices a little anxiety, maybe he feels like you don't text him enough, maybe he wonders if you're too busy for him. You panic and rush to fix it: no, I really like you! Is it that you think I don't like you because I don't text? I'll text you a million times now! And just like that, you've made his comfort your job.
Understand what he's actually describing when he complains: the discomfort of being increasingly emotionally invested in you, to the point where he can't turn his brain off about you. He replays you over and over. That's agitating for him, so he expresses it hoping you'll ease it. Do not ease it. A man can never go crazy for you if you're constantly easing his anxiety, because that anxiety is the very evidence of his rising investment. And I promise you, when his emotional investment is low, he's not acting right, not treating you with respect, and his focus is on everything except you. When his anxiety about whether you want him is high? He's paying attention to your needs like his life depends on it. So acknowledge that you don't have time to text all day, explain why if you like, and then keep doing it. Yes, you're on a villain arc.
3. Stay Vague About Yourself
Do not trauma dump your insecurities on these men. I know the objection: I have to be true to myself, and if he can't accept my insecurities, he's not the man for me anyway. Take a chill pill and remember why you're here: not to be in a relationship with every man, but with the right man, and you can't trust every man with the deep, intricate details of how you feel about yourself. Sharing insecurities with your boyfriend or husband is one thing. Sharing them with a stranger you're still vetting is another.
Here's the mechanism, and I'll give you the example. We're besties, we're out for dinner, and I say, oh my gosh, I've spent five days trying to pop this giant pimple on my forehead, is it that bad? You hadn't noticed the pimple. But now? You can't unsee it, and for the rest of dinner it's all you see. That's what trauma dumping does: it points out flaws he never registered and hands him a catalog of them. You stop being the Cinderella figure he can project his dreams onto and become a regular person with regular problems. And I know, you want him to fall for the real you, not the idea of you. That's sweet, but if you want men chasing and going crazy, they have to be able to project onto you. Think about it: the guys you fell hardest for were the ones you projected onto the most.
4. Never Hand Him Validation
Look in my eyes, look in my soul: never, ever over-validate that man. The ultimate validation is intimacy, because after a man has full access to you, nothing you say carries weight anymore. You're upset with him? Doesn't matter, he already got the deepest yes you can give. But this goes way beyond the physical. Do not gush about how much you like him, how you can't stop thinking about him, how you want to sleep over for three months straight and brush your teeth with his toothbrush.
Because here's what all that gushing tells him subconsciously: I'm in the position of power, because she likes me this much. He starts calculating, if I walked away, she'd be in real pain, which means I have leeway. Leeway to act how I want, do what I want, and apologize my way out of any mistake, because she wants me that badly. Every unearned drop of validation you pour on him converts directly into leeway. Keep him earning. Let your interest be something he's still working to confirm, not a warm bath he gets to soak in while he acts however he pleases.
5. Keep Your Standards High
Think about what the dream girl actually embodies. She has very high standards, because she's the dream girl: plenty of men want her, so she can afford to be selective about who even gets into her life. High standards make you unattainable, and unattainable is the entire engine of a man going crazy. Available and attainable to everyone? That's the opposite of the dream girl.
Now, you might ask, don't men give attention to girls with low standards too? Yes, and it's a completely different kind of attention. Men might give those girls their time, purely to take advantage of them, but they are not going crazy for them, because what is there to go crazy about? Low standards say: you'll accept anyone, you don't care what I do or how I do it, I can talk to you and treat you however I want, and nothing matters. And one more thing: it's not enough to privately have high standards and hope he senses them. Show him, by actually requiring his best foot forward before he gets access to you. To a man who's genuinely interested, that challenge feels like the hunt, and the hunt is exactly what he goes crazy for. Men go crazy for women they have to work for. Period.
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Questions women ask me about this
- What makes a man go crazy for a woman?
- Having to work for her. When your communication is scarce, your feelings take deciphering, your standards filter who gets access, and his effort is the only thing that earns more of you, his investment climbs with every step. Men do not go crazy for the woman who is always available and fully explained. They go crazy for the one they're still trying to win.
- Should I reassure a man when he says I don't text him enough?
- No, and this is the counterintuitive one. His complaint is really a confession that his emotional investment is rising to the point of discomfort, and if you rush to ease that anxiety, you flatten the very thing making him invested. Acknowledge it kindly, explain that your life is full, and keep your pace. His anxiety about winning you is the engine of his pursuit.
- Why does being unattainable attract men?
- Because attainability kills the hunt. The dream girl is a dream precisely because access to her is rare and earned, which forces a man to do the convincing, the planning, and the pursuing. Men will say they hate hard to get, but watch their behavior: the woman who lays every card on the table becomes uninteresting, and the one who makes him work becomes the obsession.
- Should I tell him about my insecurities early on?
- Save it for the girlfriends, or for a boyfriend who has earned that trust. Early on, trauma dumping hands a stranger a catalog of your soft spots and points out flaws he never even noticed, exactly like the pimple you can't unsee once someone mentions it. It also collapses the space he needs to project his dreams onto you, and that projection is half of how men fall.
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