I Love You, so I Must Tell You This About Men.

Going Crazy on Him Teaches Him to Do It Again

I'm going to say the craziest thing you've ever heard. Men absolutely love it when you curse them out, pull up to their house uninvited, and send a hundred angry texts. Don't believe me? Go look at the comments under any viral video of a woman crashing out on her man. Thousands of men writing, if she doesn't act like this I don't want her, and, this is my type, I already love her. Real comments from real men, so you know it's not just me saying it.

So here's the biggest mistake you'll ever make: thinking that going crazy on a guy teaches him to stop a behavior because of how much it upsets you. It does the opposite. It communicates that this behavior makes him the most important thing in your world. Men read your crashing out as proof of love, so they keep doing exactly what triggered it.

When you want a man to stop a behavior, you must act as if he doesn't exist in your life. Not like you're forcing yourself to ignore him, but like you genuinely can't be bothered to notice his absence. When he texts after three days of silence, your response is, oh, has it been three days since we last spoke? No way it's been that long. Trust me, that's the only language men actually understand.

Men Become Obsessed With Whoever You're Obsessed With

This one is going to hit you right in the gut. Men become the most obsessed with whoever you are the most obsessed with, and it is very easy to make the most attractive woman in your relationship a woman who is not you.

Say you don't like your man's coworker Sarah. She wears revealing dresses to the work parties and she's exactly his type, so every day he comes home, you're asking about Sarah. Did you talk to Sarah? Were you flirting with Sarah? Here's the thing: when your man is with Sarah, Sarah talks about Sarah. But when he's with you, you also talk about Sarah. So he's thinking about Sarah all day and all night. Maybe he never even noticed her until you kept pointing her out. And just that fast, your worst nightmare comes true: your obsession became his obsession.

Men mirror what you focus on. When you're obsessed with you, your life, your plans, your man follows your lead and becomes just as obsessed with you as you are with yourself. The queen does not concern herself with peasants. The peasants are the ones who gossip about the queen. Remember that.

Compliment His Actions, Not His Looks

Men do not value compliments about their appearance. Telling a guy, wow, you're so tall and handsome with such big muscles, does nothing for him emotionally. Worse, it tells him you've already put him on a pedestal before he lifted a finger. A compliment like that actually makes him less likely to put effort into earning access to you.

What men eat up are compliments tied to their actions and accomplishments. He buys you a drink or walks you to your car? Tell him specifically how sweet that gesture was, how he made sure you were safe like a true gentleman. Early dating? Compliment what he's built: it must have taken an extremely intelligent, hardworking person to earn that manager role. Those compliments land because he earned them, and they speak straight to his masculine desire to feel like a man who successfully takes action.

Desire Is a Scale, Not a Switch

It's easy to think desire is an on and off switch: he wants you or he doesn't. The reality is desire is a percentage scale from 1 to 100, and there's a threshold on that scale, let's say 75 percent, where a man finally takes action. Below the threshold, he likes you, he flirts with you, he shows little sparks of interest, but he never actually asks you out on a romantic date for the purpose of building something intentional. Above it, he acts.

This is why so many women get stuck in a loop, confused by a man who shows interest but never does anything about it. You're waiting for the moment he acts on his desire, but his desire never reaches the threshold, so the moment never comes. You cannot waste years of your life in that limbo state. If he's not acting, his number isn't high enough. That's the whole answer.

Hope Is a Drug, and Fun Is the Bait

I love you, so I have to tell you that hope is not an emotion. It's a drug, and it's men's favorite drug for keeping you invested. Hope that he'll eventually want a relationship. Hope that he'll leave his current situation for you. Hope that the man who isn't what you want will change. Men know they can't keep extracting from you, physical intimacy, girlfriend treatment, your energy, unless you're a willing participant. And the way they keep you willing is to keep your mind fixated on what could happen down the road instead of the present tense. Because if you looked hard at what's actually happening right now, you'd realize the relationship doesn't serve you.

The other lever is short-term pleasure. He love bombs you on the first date, tells you he's never felt this way about anyone, and suggests wine at his place. In the moment, fun says go with the flow. But fun doesn't factor in how you'll feel two days later when he hasn't texted, and you realize all those words were designed to convince you that you were ready for something you weren't.

So consistently re-evaluate whether the things you expect from a man are happening right now, not in his promises about later. And understand what actual fun is for you as a woman: being taken seriously by a man who prioritizes you and builds an emotional, spiritual, and mental connection alongside the physical. That's the fun that feeds your long-term happiness instead of borrowing against it.

Sex Appeal Is a Language. Learn to Speak It

Sex is a superpower that a lot of women never bother to use outside the bedroom. Stop thinking of sex as an act and start understanding it as a way to speak a man's language. If you want a particular dress, don't say, you better buy me this dress. Say, I found this really sexy black leather dress I would love to model just for you. I know how much you love seeing me in black, and when we come home, it'll be perfect for you to have easy access to.

Let me tell you right now, the second version makes a man ask, where is the link, and how do we get it shipped faster than ASAP? Because you were smart enough to make the dress about what he secretly wants. And what a man secretly wants is for his beautiful woman to seduce him, to put him in a trance where doing what you want feels like his own desire. You have to play that role with confidence, and you have to know his actual desires well enough to speak to them. The better you get at it, the more he believes he wanted to do that thing for you all along.

Low-Quality Attention vs High-Quality Attention

Sometimes men give you low-quality attention: attention whose entire purpose is getting inside you. Sometimes men give you high-quality attention: attention for the purpose of building a serious relationship. Early on, they can look identical; low-quality attention can disguise itself for days, even weeks.

But it cannot survive a couple of months. Forcing attention to stay consistent over time is emotionally draining for a man who never intended anything real, and deep down he knows it's a performance. Eventually he gets tired of paying that cost with no result, and the mask slips. Which is why you never let yourself be mesmerized by how a man shows up at the very beginning. You literally have to wait until the shiny-and-new excitement wears off before you can tell what kind of attention you were really getting.

Pick the Man Who Selected Himself, and Watch How He Runs His Life

I have to call some of you out: a lot of your problems with men can be solved by selecting the right one. I see so many women extremely upset about their treatment in a relationship, when the real root of the issue was choosing the wrong man to begin with. Always let a man select himself into your life: he decides he desires you, and he takes intentional action to build with you specifically. Not his words. Words convince; only actions demonstrate. When a man selects himself, holding him accountable is easy, he prioritizes your happiness, and you never have to chase to keep the relationship afloat.

And here's your cheat code for reading him: how a man does his life is exactly how he'll do a relationship with you. Want to know if he'll keep promises to you? Check if he keeps promises to himself. If he talks about becoming a millionaire while playing video games every day, he breaks promises to himself, and he'll break them to you just as easily. A man with no plan for himself has absolutely no plan for you. That skill set does not magically appear because he got into a relationship with you.