Making a man chase you forever comes down to seven steps: stop texting for fun, use the apps strategically, build your own happiness, validate yourself, treat yourself as the reward, play into his nature, and let him feel like he's winning, but never by much. A man is only chasing you when he's pursuing real, in-person time with you. Everything else, the texts, the streaks, the memes, is a substitute that quietly kills the chase.
And this isn't just for the talking stage. Done right at the beginning it sets the stage for the whole relationship, but you can keep a boyfriend and even a husband on the chase for years, and you should, because chasing is his natural state. It's where he feels the most masculine. These dynamics have worked since the beginning of time for a reason.
Stop Texting Him for Fun
I know, you're a textaholic, you love keeping up with him, it feels like you're next to each other all day. Here's the problem: every day of that phone addiction decreases his desire to actually pursue you. You will not marry the best texter, you'll marry the best human being, and no true human connection gets built over text, no matter how sweet his good morning beautiful reads. If you're wondering why he texts you plenty but never asks you out, understand that you're making it easy for him not to.
So turn texting into a tool. Its only job is scheduling: I'm free Wednesday at six. Can't do Wednesday, how about Friday at three? Perfect, see you then. Maybe a check-in text that morning. That's it. No pictures of his toothpaste, no play-by-play of your morning. And when he notices you're slower to reply, because if he's interested, he will bring it up, you hand him this: I actually love talking to you, but I'm an in-person type of girl. Phone calls and FaceTime feel like a much better connection to me. Then let him be a man about it. He'll go, I've got an idea, why don't we get on a call tomorrow night, and you say, huh, I didn't even think of that. Let him feel like he identified what you wanted and took control. That feeling is the beginning of the chase.
Use the Apps Wisely (and Get Off Snapchat)
Look me in my eyes: stay off Snapchat. It's a virus, and I say that as someone who has used it plenty, not as an old man talking out of his butt. A 600-day streak of ceiling photos, the side of your face, and four words maximum is not a connection. You're not having heart-to-hearts on there. That's still a stranger, and worse, the combination of texting plus snapping makes both of you feel like you're talking every second of the day, so the date never gets planned. You're tricking yourself out of being pursued.
Instagram is different, if you use it as a tactic. Don't hold conversations in the DMs, but do let him see that you're desirable. Going out with the girlies in that dress, all done up? Post it to your story or close friends. Post the gym, the painting, the thing you love doing. It's a little nudge on his timeline: she is fine, she does have a life. And when he replies to your story with a compliment, acknowledge it and move on. No hour-long DM conversation. The apps exist to remind him how much he wants to see you in person, not to replace it.
Figure Out What Brings You Happiness
You need things that make you happy outside of any relationship, things you'd do without a boy, without your friends, without anything. Here's how that connects to the chase: as you develop your own internal happiness, you stop needing it from someone else, your energy changes, and you project wholeness. Whole becomes confident, confident becomes attractive. Nobody on this earth is attracted to desperate and needy, and a man who senses you don't believe you're worth chasing will not chase you. It's a mindset: for him to chase, he has to believe that you believe you're worth it.
Want the proof? Think about the girls he's double-tapping online who never respond to him. They're investing all their time and energy into themselves, and the men come running. Meanwhile, the woman begging please like me, please love me, gets avoided. It's like Inception, completely backwards and completely true: the number one focus for getting men to want you is you. Pour into yourself and he'll pour his attention into you.
Validate Yourself, Don't Seek It
If you want princess treatment, treat yourself like a princess first. I'm a man telling you this: I know what it feels like to be inspired to treat a woman that way, and the inspiration comes from her energy. When you carry yourself like you deserve nothing less, he concludes, she's a princess, she doesn't get treated like anything less. Men are emotionally stunted, not idiots. They know exactly who they can mistreat and still get access to, and the girls with no self-esteem are the ones who get used, played, and then kicked to the curb while he goes off to find his dream girl.
So sit in some silence and figure out what you want for yourself, not what anyone else wants for you. Be that. The people who align with you will be drawn to you, and the people who don't will be repelled, and that's fine, because not everyone is supposed to like you. The people who try hardest to be liked by everyone end up liked by no one. If you don't like you first, no man's validation was ever going to fix that.
Treat Yourself as the Reward: The Carrot and the Rabbit
Picture it: he's the rabbit and you're dangling the carrot. Just as he gets close, you pull it back a little. He lunges again, you pull back again. And strategically, you drop a carrot crumb here and there, a taste, just enough that he goes, that was so good, I need the rest. He always feels like he's about to get it, and he never quite does. But never let the carrot sit so close that he swallows the whole thing, because a rabbit that's eaten lies on its back, falls asleep, and stops running.
Part of being the reward is letting him see that other people want the prize too. You don't have to announce who slid into your DMs. If you're at a party and another guy comes over to chat while your guy can see, have the conversation. Nothing inappropriate, no touching. Just let him witness that you're desired, not just by him, by the world. That's healthy, and it keeps the carrot valuable.
Play Into His Nature Instead of Fighting It
Let go of trying to turn men into what you want them to be, and play into what they already are. Men want what they can't have, and men feel most masculine when they work hard for something and get rewarded for it. That's ancient wiring: the best hunters led the group. So the question is, are you actually letting him work? Or are you texting all day, snapping all day, answering the 2 a.m. can you come over, and paying for your own Uber both ways? A man who gets everything without effort feels nothing, and a man who works for you feels like a man.
And some men have no motivation to work hard for anything. Let those guys live. Don't spend your time or attention trying to activate a man who doesn't want to hunt. The men with goals and direction will be motivated to get you if you set it up properly, and those are the only ones worth setting it up for.
Let Him Feel Like He's Winning, but Not by Much
The chase is a chase precisely because he never quite gets it all. This is why giving away your Squirtle should be one of the last things on your mind, truly, until you've verified over real time that he's serious and invested for the right reasons. You don't need it to keep him chasing. Access to you is the reward, and you can't be the reward if he always has access. When a desperate woman gives everything away on day one hoping it keeps him, he says to himself, that was the only reward I was seeking, and I got it on the first day. I'm good.
Here's the psychology in one image. Think of eating your favorite meal after a brutal workout, when you're starving and you earned it. It's the same food you've had a hundred times, and suddenly it's so good you almost want to cry. Same meal, first thing in the morning with no effort behind it? It's fine. That's the difference effort makes to a reward, and it works the same way with you. Be for real: if a man took you on two dates a week for a whole year before anything happened, do you think he'd vanish afterwards? He'd be a fool to walk away from a year of consistent investment. The longer the chase, the more he values the prize, and the more certain you can be that he was there for the long haul, because the guys who are trying to play you were never willing to chase for long.
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Questions women ask me about this
- Will he lose interest if I stop texting him all the time?
- If he was interested, no. He'll notice, he'll bring it up, and that's your opening to say you're an in-person type of girl who connects better on calls and dates. Then he gets to feel like a man by planning exactly that. If he fades completely the moment the texting slows, he was never pursuing you, he was enjoying free entertainment.
- Do Snapchat streaks and constant texting count as him pursuing me?
- No. A man is only chasing you when he's pursuing in-person time: real dates, planned calls, scheduled effort. Streaks and all-day texting are low-quality communication that make you both feel connected to what is honestly still a stranger, and they satisfy him just enough that he never plans the date.
- How do I make him chase me without playing hard to get?
- Build a life that genuinely competes for your time. Find what makes you happy alone, invest in it, validate yourself, and let access to you be something he schedules around. That's not an act, it's wholeness, and it reads completely differently than fake unavailability. Men chase women who believe they're worth chasing.
- Does making a man wait actually make him value you more?
- Yes, and it's the same psychology as a meal after a hard workout: identical reward, completely different experience, because of the effort in front of it. A man who invests months of consistent pursuit values what he earned and is far less likely to vanish afterwards. The men who won't wait are telling you they were never there for the long haul.
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