How to Force Men to Chase You Like a Drug

The First High: Make Your First Date Hit Like a Wave

Say he meets you at an event, thinks you're cool, and asks you to dinner. That first date is his first high, and the first high has to be the best high, because it sets the groundwork for everything you build after. Bring fun, flirty energy and genuine interest in getting to know him. That doesn't mean agreeing with everything he says. Actually, I'd advise you not to. Bring your own opinions, challenge him a little, have banter, poke fun. It's not disrespectful, it's exciting, and it makes him feel things. That's the whole point: you want him to associate you with strong feelings and emotions, because that association is what makes him come back for more and more.

Here's the mistake so many of you make. You want him to like you so badly that you agree with everything, speak when spoken to, and say yes as many times as possible. All he feels then is indifference, and indifference is death. If a guy describes you as chill, oh I like her, she's so chill, you're not doing this right. Nobody who's drunk in love describes the feeling as chill. Chill means he feels nothing.

Two more rules for the first high. One: do not let him get to know you over text before the date. No low-quality doses of you that let him conclude, she's like the other girls I've met. Everything about your personality, your banter, and your energy should hit him as one wave, in person. Two: show up in the right mind frame, because he absorbs the energy you project and walks away feeling exactly what he absorbed. Bubbly, flirty, full of life, that's how he remembers you. If you're having a horrible everything day, honestly, cancel the date, because if his first high of you is misery, someone will have to convince him to take a second one. And on the date itself, don't spill your guts about yourself. Ask him questions, ask follow-ups, be hooked on his stories. He'll walk away thinking, I feel so good when I'm with her, I can share anything with her. That's the memory that starts the chase.

Sober Again: Let Him Go Back to His Regular Life

After that amazing first date, you want him to return to reality. Don't call, don't text, don't FaceTime. If he calls and texts four or five times in a row, answer one, briefly, so he doesn't think you ghosted him. The balance matters: he should feel that you enjoyed the date and that your life simply goes on, full of other things.

Here's why this step is critical. After a great first high, a guy will start texting you like a maniac because he wants more of you, and texting feels to him like he's experiencing you. If you match that energy, you're handing him tiny dosages of you all day, and those tiny dosages are just enough to kill his desire for the next big high. He feels like, I'm good until next week, I'm getting to know her already. And the second date never gets planned. Sound familiar? One great date, then weeks of texting and no plans? That's exactly this trap.

When you keep your distance instead, he gets to contrast the high of being with you against his regular, boring, sober life, and his mind starts spinning. Did she enjoy the date? Did I say something wrong? Was that joke about my ex stupid? He replays every facial expression, every nuance, the way you picked up your fork. That back and forth in his mind is the start of the addiction cycle, and it's exactly what you want.

Missing the High: Do Not Say Yes to the First Date He Offers

You are an individual, but you are also an experience. It's why a guy who met you at a club and a guy who met you at Home Depot would describe two completely different women. When he misses you, he's missing the experience of being around you, and you have to make him work to get it back.

So here's the part that will sound crazy. When he asks you out on the second date, say no to the first day he proposes. He says, are you free tomorrow at six? You're busy. Even if you're not busy, you're doing something. And when he asks when you are free, push it at least a week out. He asks on Tuesday, you give him next Tuesday. I can hear you panicking: but he'll get bored, he'll lose interest, he won't like me anymore. Hold your water, take a chill pill. You're trying to inspire a drug addict. He has to spend real time missing the high, even feeling a little agony that he doesn't get access to you.

This is also why your passions, hobbies, and schedule matter so much. If a guy asks, are you free in an hour, and the honest answer is, I'm sitting on my couch doing nothing, you have no scarcity to offer. Think of a long-distance relationship: nothing you do together is special, but every meeting feels enormous because it comes so rarely. Waiting makes even mundane things feel bigger, like how the same meal you eat every day tastes incredible at 9 p.m. after a long day of work and errands. Strong emotions, positive and painful, are the fuel. Not just joy. The lows are part of the addiction too.

Anticipation: Only Reward What You Want More Of

Now the date is set for next Tuesday, and pay very close attention to what happens next: he will try to hold conversations with you all week. He's not just being friendly, he's seeking validation to ease his own anxiety. Is she still interested? Why is she so busy? Are other guys taking her out? Do not give it to him. Don't entertain the getting-to-know-you texting marathon, the daily calls, the 4 a.m. FaceTime. His anxiety builds, his anticipation builds, and both work for you.

But sprinkle in one thing, once or twice, and only this: I'm so excited to see you in person. Listen to that closely. You express excitement for the in-person date only, never for the texting. Because he's in an anxious state, hunting for any hint of what makes you happy, and the moment you hand him one, he'll do 100 percent of it. If the hint is, she's happiest when we're together in person, everything he plans becomes in-person. His spiral even resolves itself: she's not ignoring me, she just prefers seeing me in real life.

This is the reward system, and you have to be strategic with it. Do not congratulate a textaholic. Do not validate the best FaceTimer. You are not trying to marry the world's greatest texter, so never reward behaviors you don't want to experience over and over for years. Only celebrate the man who puts effort into real dates, because whatever you validate is exactly what he will keep doing.

Tolerance: Cut the Date Short and Skip the Sleepover

Every drug has a tolerance problem, and so do you. After enough time together, he gets used to having access to you, the strong emotions fade, and indifference creeps in. Obsession cannot live where indifference lives. So here's the rule, and I know it sounds difficult: cut your dates short. If the date is supposed to run until 12, leave at 11:30, and make it non-negotiable. He should walk away from every experience of you wanting more, never fully satisfied. Never overstay your welcome. That's a tip for life, but in early dating it's everything.

And I would honestly advise you to avoid sleepovers at the beginning. First of all, you're putting yourself in a bad position, because sleeping in his bed when you like him is how you end up tempted to give away your Squirtle way too early. But even without that, watch what the sleepover does to the experience: the first two hours of the date were electric, then you're back at his place, the energy dies down because nothing stays exciting for 24 hours straight, and now you're just kind of there. He wakes up, you're there. He goes to pee, comes back, you're still there. You get breakfast, sit around, watch something, and by the time you leave, the memory isn't magic anymore, it's, yeah, she's cool. You went from a rush he was chasing to a mundane day. Manage the dosage of you, and when he receives it, so the craving never gets the chance to flatten out.

Addiction: The Cycle That Works Entirely in Your Favor

Keep the cycle running and you become a full-blown addiction. More of you never feels like enough. He starts pushing for more hours, more days, can we hang out more, can you sleep over, let's go here, let's go there. And if you haven't slept with him, which was never part of the early plan, his spiral deepens in a way that only grows the addiction: she keeps seeing me but won't sleep with me, is she into me, what's going on? Don't hand him the ultimate validation, because the moment he gets it too early he thinks, I don't have to wonder anymore, I know she likes me. Hm. Boring. What's next?

Now, here's what you're really doing this whole time, and it's the part he never sees. While he's enchanted, you're extracting information. You're asking the questions, hearing about the exes, watching him mad, sad, happy, and stressed, and gathering everything you need to decide: is this the man who will treat me well, who has the qualities of a husband and a father? It's a magic trick, sleight of hand. His attention is over here on chasing you, while over there you're quietly making the only decision that matters. If he passes, then and only then does he get all of you. If he fails, you walk away scot-free, having given nothing to a man who didn't deserve it.

I know some of you are saying, that's too much work, that's games, why are we playing games? Because in love and in life there are players and there are people who get played, and you will only ever be one of the two. If you'd rather keep it hands off and wait for the utopia where everyone treats everyone right out of the kindness of their heart, go live in that world. The rest of us will be getting exactly what we want, even when what we want is just a healthy long-term relationship.