Act Like Men Don't Exist. They'll Love You for It.

Your Routine Is Everything

The number one thing I see with women: the moment you start liking a guy, you break your routine for him. The Saturday brunch with your girlfriends, the hot yoga, the Pilates, the family time, suddenly you're one foot in and one foot out of your own plans, holding space in case he gets the courage to ask you out. And just that fast, your whole week is built around a man deciding whether he wants access to you.

Act like men don't exist. Your routine should never change whether he's in your life or out of it. Your routine naturally has free days. Those are the days he can have, and he can figure out how to adjust his schedule, figure out how to adjust his schedule, to get access to you. And if your schedules never line up? So what. Your life goes on without men. Here's the irony: a man who really wants to invest in you is expecting that your time isn't readily available to any man who walks in.

Decentering Men Makes You Magnetic

When you act like men don't exist, you decenter them totally, and it creates this aura where you're so unbothered by what they do that you couldn't care less. Ironically, this is deeply attractive to men, because men love selfish women. We love women who are unconcerned with us and completely concerned with themselves. It makes a man think, you must have a lot of amazing things going on if you're not tracking whether I texted or said good morning.

And it creates one feeling in him: the only way to get this woman's attention is to take action. He can't sit back, relax, and expect you to be obsessed with him. He doesn't have power over you anymore. And a man losing power over you makes him more attracted to you, because if he doesn't have power over you, then who's really running the show? You are.

Your Girl Tribe Will Save You From Heartbreak

The best part of acting like men don't exist is that it frees you to focus on your girl tribe, and building the right girl tribe will save you from so much pain, frustration, loneliness, even heartbreak. Because your girl tribe reminds you that you are loved no matter what.

Understand something about how some men operate. A man will purposely pour love on you, make you feel like it's forever, precisely so he can take it away. And the moment he takes it away, things get dark for you mentally, and now he's in control, because he controls your ability to feel loved. Your girl tribe breaks that grip. They ground you, they remind you who you are and what you deserve, while men come in and out of your life. So no, you don't shove your girls aside for a new man. I don't care how handsome he is. Your girl tribe is here to stay.

Make Men Initiate, Every Single Time

I want you winning all the time, not some of the time. And the only way to do that is this: if you're acting like men don't exist, the only way a man can interact with you is to present himself and initiate. That's exactly what we want. Only men with the confidence and the courage to approach you get access to you.

And yes, that means some men who might have talked to you if you approached them never will. Good. You just filtered out the men who weren't interested enough to act. The men who do initiate chose you, which means you get to make the demands. You get to say, I don't like what you're doing, you'll need to make an adjustment if you want to keep getting access to me. He initiated, so he adjusts. The men who don't approach you shouldn't even register on your radar. They aren't relevant to your life.

The Scarcity Mindset Will Ruin Your Life

I promise you, the scarcity mindset will ruin your life, especially with men. It sounds like this: every guy eventually finds something wrong with me, this one ghosted, that one pulled back, so I'd better cling to whoever's in front of me. Get rid of that. You live in abundance. The mentality you adopt is: you walk out in your pajamas and men are falling all over themselves to gift you Birkin bags.

But you can only live in that mentality when you decenter men, because abundance and obsession can't share the same brain. I'm not saying men never cross your mind. I'm saying they don't control your actions, your routine, or the essence of who you are. And when a man sees you genuinely unbothered, he starts asking himself, why is she so unbothered by me? I need to take more action so she notices me. That's the whole game flipping in your favor.

How to Stay Grounded When His Attention Dips

Every man you ever date, no matter how attentive, how flirtatious, how generous, will eventually dip in the energy and attention he gives you. That's just the ebbs and flows of relationships. When men are the center of your universe, that dip sends you into panic mode: what do I change about myself, my hair, my body, to get his attention back?

And the overthinking gets ridiculous. He hasn't texted back in two whole hours, he said he's at work, but what if he's flirting with Sarah from the marketing department? When you act like men don't exist, that spiral has nothing to feed on. Your routine is intact, your girl tribe is wrapping you in unconditional love like a warm blanket, and his dip in attention doesn't walk out the door with your ability to feel loved. He added a little sprinkle to a life that was already full. If he takes his sprinkle back, you're still full.

This also makes you nearly impossible to control. When a man can't take you on high highs and low lows, he has nothing to sink his teeth into. Men learn quickly that if you've centered them, they don't even have to text you to get a reaction. They can just post a story or like the wrong girl's picture and watch you come running. Refuse to be moved, and that entire remote control stops working.

Stop Putting Your Life on Hold for a Man

If a man wants to come into your life and be consistent, wonderful. The relationship can build, and if it builds to where you should take each other seriously, you will. But you do not hold space while he figures out whether he feels like putting in effort.

Say it's been over two weeks since he last contacted you, and you're still turning down dates and holding your number back because he's kind of still in your life. No. Stop putting your life on hold. You keep moving forward, whether that means pouring into your girl tribe and the activities you love, or saying yes to a man who actually asks you out. A man who couldn't be bothered to reach out for two weeks does not get to freeze your calendar.

Detach From the Outcome and Retire From Managing Him

You're going to feel invested when you've been seeing a guy for months. Wanting it to work out is not a crime. But acting like men don't exist means you can also say, and if it doesn't work out, that's perfectly fine with me too. He was attracted to the woman with the routine, the girl tribe, the unbothered glow he spotted from across the room. Never stop being her to focus all your energy on him. The moment you do, you become overly invested in the outcome, and you'll start doing his job in the relationship just to force it to work.

And stop being a full-time manager. Stop microanalyzing every text he didn't send and trying to fix his behavior into what you need it to be. Men will decide how they want to show up no matter what you do. If he chooses to show up as an inconsiderate, inconsistent version of himself, he made that decision, and it's not your job to manage it. Give him the space to show you how he chooses to show up. Then accept what he shows you, and respond accordingly: he either shows up the way you require, or he doesn't get your time. Point blank, period.