Are you tired of constantly being overlooked and underappreciated? Isn't it frustrating to date men who treat you and the relationship like just another option? Here's the secret method for preventing that from ever happening again: you stop auditioning for his approval and you make him earn yours, because men prioritize the woman they have to work for and overlook the woman who sacrifices everything to be picked.
That flip changes everything about how you date. So let's break down exactly how to be a priority and not an option, so for once you can be the dream woman he chases and pursues, not the one he tries to trade in for someone new.
The Mindset Change: You Are the Interviewer
If your frame is I need to do as much as I possibly can so that you like me and you pick me, then in the snap of a finger your entire life becomes about what that man wants and whether he approves of you. And where does all your value end up sitting? On his approval and validation. That is a horrible place to live, because your self-esteem tanks when he withholds validation and soars when he sprinkles a little on you. Do you know what that translates to? Control. He controls your emotions and your self-image without lifting a finger.
So we're flipping it. When you go on dates, you're not thinking, did I say the thing he likes, am I holding my fork right, does he think I eat too fast? No. You walk in knowing the value you carry: we're here to interview you, sir. I hope you brought your suit, because I've got my notebook and my pencil, and I'm determining if you're the person for the job. Obviously you don't say that out loud, but that mindset changes every date. You're no longer floating in la-la land collecting compliments. You're asking: are you the man I'm looking for? Are we moving in the direction I actually want? If not, you're not getting my time and energy. I know it sounds selfish. That's because it is, and it's exactly what's required for people to treat you like a priority.
Prioritize Your Own Needs First
I know this is where I lose some of you, because you came here for tips and tricks to make him text back in 45 seconds or less. But if you want a specific type of treatment from men, you have to start by treating yourself that way. And remember: when he's the one who wants to get to know you, you are at an advantage. He's pursuing. You don't need to start doing more for him. Yet the moment some of you like a guy, even one who's chasing you, you start prioritizing his needs over yours to show him how much you care.
Here's the harder truth underneath it: a lot of you have spent so little time prioritizing your own needs that you don't even know what they are. Your whole life has been going from one boy to the next. If that's you, take a step back from dating, take a breather, and go exploring. Figure out what matters to you outside of a relationship, and how you fit into this world as an individual. Then, when you date again, those are the things you keep prioritizing while you date. Because when a man can't shake you or move you just by giving or withdrawing validation, the dynamic reverses: instead of you constantly adjusting to fit what he wants, he has to ask himself whether he measures up, because you're already whole.
Sacrifice Less: The 2 a.m. Truth
I'm going to tell you how men actually talk among each other, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it. When men swap stories about the girl they can call at 2:30 a.m. after the club, stumble over to, and leave by 4, I can assure you, we do not talk about those women as the women we're prioritizing. The story gets a laugh, and then, as crazy as it sounds, the same guy will go on to talk about the girl he really wants to be with, the one he's still working on, because she's not easy and he can't get easy access to her. And notice: he would not dare make that 2:30 a.m. call to her, because he knows it would ruin his chances completely.
I say all that to say: you need to sacrifice way less than you've been sacrificing. Sacrificing sleep, sacrificing money by dropping shifts to see him, sacrificing whatever you think will finally make him pick you. It only makes it easier to overlook you, because every sacrifice tells him you'll always be there no matter how little he invests. The women men prioritize are the women who cost something: effort, planning, patience, consistency. Be expensive with your time.
Separate Yourself From the Sea of Maid Outfits
Let's do some critical thinking about the high value man everyone's chasing. If you can spot in five minutes that he's rich, attractive, and desirable, do you think the hundreds of women who came before you missed it? Of course not. And most of them had the exact same reaction you're tempted to have: this is my dream husband, let me scrub the floor and do everything possible to make him notice me. So picture what he actually sees: thousands of women in the same maid outfit, on their hands and knees, scrubbing with the same dingy sponge, all yelling look how clean my tile is! It becomes literally impossible for him to pick any one of them out and say, you, you're the priority.
Now picture one woman in that scene standing up, facing away, hair blowing in the wind, watching the sunset with a little twinkle in her eye, paying the whole circus no mind. Which woman do you think he approaches? It's not even close. And here's the point: she separated herself by doing nothing. Not because the other women are less than, but because a man's mind cannot differentiate between women all doing the same thing the same way. The only woman he finds curiously interesting enough to approach is the one who isn't performing for him at all.
Find What's Missing in Him
This last one is the advanced class. As you learn a man, you'll get a sense of what's missing inside him, what void has existed in his life. I'm not telling you to change yourself. I'm telling you to notice how you, exactly as you are, uniquely fill something no one else has filled, because that is what makes you impossible to replace. This isn't about doing more for him. It's about eliciting a feeling he can't get from any other source.
Say you're dating a guy and you realize he's permanently stuck in his own head, paralysis by analysis, thinking so much he never takes action, and nobody in his life has ever looked at him and said, I actually believe in you. If, when you're with him in person, your natural presence gives him that confidence, you've filled a void he cannot buy, download, or find elsewhere. How is he going to be without you, when being with you gives him the one thing he's been missing his whole life? That's what being a priority actually feels like from inside his head: not she does the most for me, but the thing I get from her, I can't get anywhere else.
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Questions women ask me about this
- How do I become a priority in his life?
- Flip the frame: stop performing for his approval and make him earn yours. Walk into dates as the interviewer, keep prioritizing your own needs and routine, and let your time cost him effort and planning. Men prioritize what they invest in and what they could lose. A woman who is whole, busy, and expensive with her access is impossible to treat like an option.
- Why does he treat me like an option?
- Almost always because access to you is cheap. When you sacrifice sleep, money, and plans to be available whenever it suits him, he learns you'll be there no matter how little he gives, so he gives little. It isn't that you lack value. It's that constant sacrifice hides your value and hands him control. The treatment changes when the access stops being automatic.
- Do men respect women who sacrifice everything for them?
- No, and I'll be honest with you about how men talk: the woman who drops everything for a 2 a.m. call is a funny story to the boys, not the woman he's planning a future with. Meanwhile the woman he's still working on, the one who isn't easy to access, is the one he takes seriously. Sacrificing more gets you overlooked. Costing more gets you prioritized.
- How do I stand out to a high value man?
- By doing nothing, in the strategic sense. Every other woman who spotted his value is already performing for his attention, and to him they blur into one identical sea. The woman he approaches is the one paying him no mind, living her own life with her own direction. You cannot out-scrub thousands of maid outfits, but you can be the only woman watching the sunset.
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