How to Force Men to Fall in Love

Engaging Emotions: The Kayak Lesson

Picture a couple kayaking on still water. She's in the front taking a video, he's leaning back in the rear, tired, doing nothing, and they're barely floating along. Now, she could complain: why do you never paddle, I have to do everything around here. Instead she says, look at my big strong man, look at those muscles busting out of you, you better paddle us to our destination, baby. And what happens? He starts smiling, sits up, and starts viciously paddling them across the lake.

That's the whole skill in one clip. Her approach got her the result, quickly and with him happy about it. If she had complained, he would have argued or made excuses about why he's tired. When you tap into your superpower of emotional intelligence, understanding how emotions motivate people to take action, you can get what you want from people and they're glad to give it. It's not about what he says he wants or dislikes. It's about what he responds to.

Anxiety: Use Your Phone as a Scheduling Tool Only

If you're texting your man 24/7, you are not giving him any space to feel anxiety when you're not around. What is there to be anxious about? The only time you're not texting him is when you're with him. And think about your own history for a second. Isn't there a correlation between the guys you liked the most and the highest amount of anxiety you felt? The guys who didn't text back fast, who seemed a little too busy for you? That same response can be triggered in him, except now you know it works, so you do it on purpose.

When he feels like you might not like him as much as he likes you, like maybe he said the wrong thing on the last date, he starts replaying everything. Every joke, every date, whether he picked his fork up the wrong way, whether you're out with someone more interesting. He spirals exactly the way you've spiraled over a man before.

So here's the real action: stay off your phone. Use it as a scheduling tool and nothing else. When are you free this week, Tuesday works, we'll hang out then. That's it. I don't care how much he texts you, keep it to a bare minimum and tell him plainly: I don't have too much time to be on the phone. If you want the best version of me, we've got to be out somewhere. In person you'll get a much better version of me. Texting is a horrible way to build a relationship anyway, and every hour you're not on that phone is an hour he's feeling something about you.

Euphoria: Make the Date All About Him

You want him to associate being with you, in person, three dimensional, not a projection on a screen, with feeling euphoric. Not 24/7, because euphoria loses its potency when you're always around. Only in person. That contrast is what makes you feel like a drug to him.

And here's how you create it, even though I know it sounds backwards: make the entire date about him. I can hear you already. Why would I make it about him, I want to yap my brains out about my day and my ex-best friend and everything I've been through. No. What you want is for him to be at your mercy. Ask him good questions about himself, his past relationships, his family, where he wants to be in life, how he views himself. Ask follow-up questions. Look engaged. Be quiet as a church mouse otherwise.

People don't remember what you say, they only remember how you make them feel. Think about your own memories of people you've been romantic with. You don't remember every sentence, you remember the feeling. Most of us walk through life feeling like nobody genuinely cares that much, so when someone sits across from him fascinated by his stories, he thinks, where else am I going to get this feeling? When he's away from you, he can't remember a word you said. All he has is the memory of how good he felt. That memory does the chasing for you.

Jealousy: The Reminder That You Are a Hot Commodity

Other people will tell you jealousy has no place in a healthy relationship. In my opinion, a healthy amount of jealousy is always good, because it reminds him that other people desire his partner, and that if he starts neglecting or disrespecting the relationship, there's a hungry wolf waiting in the shadows for his opportunity. That little bit of sweat on his forehead every morning, I've got to stay on top of things or someone takes this from me, keeps him invested.

Here's what it looks like in practice. You're at a party together, a guy starts a friendly conversation with you, and your man can see you from across the room. Nothing inappropriate, no touching, nothing you wouldn't let him hear. But instead of cutting it short, you let the conversation breathe, laughing, chatting, enjoying yourself. If he's really invested, one of two things happens: he comes over and pulls you away, or on the ride home it starts. Why were you talking to that bum for 20 minutes? Why were you laughing and giggling? What's so funny, he's not a comedian. When you hear that, you touched the nerve, and that's good.

Falling in love is intense, and intense doesn't always feel good. Stop fearing that if you don't ease his anxiety and make him feel secure constantly, he won't like you. It's the exact opposite. The guys you never cared about impressing are the ones who liked you the most, precisely because you just did you. Do the same here. Let him feel his jealousy, and watch him become more and more invested.

Inspiration: Make Him Feel Like Superman Around You

Inspiration comes in two versions. The first: he sees things in you he wishes he embodied, your generosity, how secure you are in yourself, the way you carry your life. Say you're dating a guy who's deep in his party phase and you're not. Don't try to become more like him. Present yourself as someone on a different path, and if he's truly invested, he starts feeling I need to better myself to get on her level. That's why men say you inspire me to be a better man. You get an increasingly better, more focused version of him, because he feels upgrading himself is the price of being your partner.

The second version is your ability to inspire him to reach heights he didn't think were possible, and this is where your femininity does the work, exactly like the kayak. Think of it like a pre-workout. Every time he takes it, he lifts a thousand pounds and goes crazy in the gym, and every time he skips it, he's just not as good. He gets attached to that pre-workout, even anxious without it. Same idea: if he feels like Superman when he's around you, if his wins and his goals start being closely tied to the seasons of his life when you were near him, he begins to associate success itself with you. Now he wants to be around you more. That's not a trick, that's the delicate balance of masculine and feminine energy working the way it's supposed to.