How to Become the Woman Men Never Get Over

Be the Gone Girl: Vanish 100 Percent, Not 50

One mistake I see a lot of women make is they say, I'm not going to be in his life totally anymore, I'm going to dial it back to 50 percent or 25 percent. Still present, just not as much. It's a mistake. The only possible way you become the woman he never forgets is if you vanish instantly.

This is going to sound weird, but it needs to feel to him like you passed away in a tragic car accident. Snap of a finger, you were in his life one moment and completely gone the next. Pay attention to that analogy, because when a partner passes away, you memorialize them. You idolize them. You make them larger than life, because all you have left is memories of the good times.

That's exactly the dynamic you're creating. He's no longer comparing the real you, with real flaws, to other real women. He's comparing an idealized, dream version of you that seems perfect in every aspect to real women with real flaws. No woman alive can live up to her. And the moment you text him again or you're around him again, you become real again. The mystique only exists at zero percent present.

Why He Needs a Window Into Your Life

In some cases, blocking a man you're trying to move forward from is the right way to go. But if you want this man to never forget you, he needs a window into your life. Trust me, men love being peeping Toms. I know men like to pretend they don't have emotions and don't notice anything. I promise you, when a man has loved you, he wants to see how you're doing on a regular basis. Is she sexier now? Is she looking better in that dress? He wants to know.

He is 100 percent of the time going to try to gauge whether your life went on an upward trajectory after him or a downward one. So don't cut off every window. If your account is public, perfect, just don't block him. If it's private, unfollow him, but don't remove him as a follower. And even if you're barely on social media, mutual friends and family will report back to him one way or another. Every new picture, every story of how you're doing feeds the larger than life mystique.

When the Long Apology Text Comes, Do Not Go Back

Please pay attention to this one, because this strategy might work a little too well. He doesn't like the feeling of thinking about you while he's trying to move on, so one day you get the long text, the random call, the FaceTime. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. And he lists it all out.

You get this rush of emotion because he's finally acknowledging that he hurt you. It softens you up, and you start thinking, maybe I return to his life just 10 percent, just 5 percent, because he apologized. You cannot do this. Back to the first point: the moment you step into his life at any percentage, you go back to being human. Larger than life figures don't text back.

Never Let Him See Cracks in Your Armor

This point is going to sound kind of toxic, and it is, but you need it. Yes, you're going to go through things. Yes, you're going to feel emotional about the breakup. When you're hurting, go to the people you trust and love the most, the ones who will never report it back to him. Because you cannot afford for that man to hear or know that you are hurting.

Everything in this strategy is building narratives. Two big ones. One, you're winning this breakup. Two, your life got exponentially better the moment you walked out of his. The second you post a quote about the guy you loved betraying your trust, he sees it, because remember, he's a peeping Tom. And he says, interesting, clearly she's hurting. It makes you human again. So no sad quotes, no memes about him, no venting on social media in any capacity.

Chase the Goal You Told Him About

We're not setting random goals here. Not, oh, I want to run a 10K. We're going to pick a goal that is intricately intertwined with the relationship you had with this man. When you were dating, you shared your dreams with him. Maybe you told him, I've always wanted to go to Paris, it's so romantic, I've never been on that side of the world.

Take a goal he knows you always wanted, and get very focused on achieving it. Because when he sees you on that trip, taking those pictures exactly the way you described when it was still just an idea, he feels connected to that accomplishment. He was there when it was a thought. And the narrative it builds in his head is brutal: was I holding her back this entire time? Did I let the woman she was always meant to become get away because of my ego, my selfishness, my disrespect? She's there now, and I'm not.

When He Pokes You, Give Him Nothing

Trust me, when men get desperate, they take desperate actions. He doesn't want to keep feeling like he missed out on the right woman, so he needs to bring you back down to earth. If apologizing didn't work, he'll poke you instead. Things he posts. Things he says to mutual friends that he knows will get back to you.

If it triggers you enough, you'll reach out. Why are you posting this? Why are you talking mess about me? And the moment you do, he relaxes. Perfect, she cares. She's blowing up my phone. She's just another girl on my line. It feeds his ego and makes it that much easier for him to get over you. You can't be the girl that got away while you're texting him about a post. Even when he does the exact thing designed to aggravate you, you don't respond. That silence hurts him more than anything you could ever type.

Stay Menless for a Season, and Never Repeat the Mistake

Do not jump straight from him to a new guy. One, you're in a foggy head space and you won't be choosing the right men for the right reasons. Two, he won't read the new man as happiness. The first thing that pops into his mind is, she's not happy, this guy is just a placeholder for the sadness of not being with me. Egotistical? Completely. But that's how men think.

And the worst version of this is making the same mistake with the same type of guy. If he cheated, and three months later a new man cheats on you too, and word gets back through mutual friends, the story flips. Now he thinks, every guy treats her like that. She's not a gem. I didn't miss out on anything. You can only have that mystical presence if you got away and your life got better.

So for a period of time, let him watch you be happy without men entirely. Happy with your girl tribe, your family, your career, your travel, yourself. Peaceful, taking care of you, and it shows in your energy, your figure, your pictures. You are her. That's the dagger. That's the one that makes him go, oh no, she really is building a life and I'm not part of it.

Validate Yourself, and Never Forget Why You Left

Here's the counterintuitive part. We want him to hurt, yes. But don't let his grand gesture become the validation you're living for. If you're only doing all of this to earn the big apology text, you'll drive yourself crazy every day it doesn't come, and you'll miss the actual prize: recognizing that your life genuinely got better without him.

And the most important point of all. Never forget what happened. Time will blur it. You'll catch yourself thinking, I can't even remember what I was so upset about, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to let him back in. Never go back. If you broke up, you broke up for a reason. When you leave, you're a magician. Poof, gone. He memorializes you, you become the goddess no real woman can live up to, and for the rest of his days he will never be able to get rid of you no matter how hard he tries.