You ever wonder how men determine which women they'll wife and which women they'll take advantage of? It's quite simple, actually: we test them. Men run a series of quiet tests, how fast you fold, how much you'll inconvenience yourself, what happens when we disappear, and your results decide whether you get respect or get used.
But here's the thing. If you understand exactly what we're testing and how, you can present yourself as the wife you want to be approached as, and never again be seen by these men as a woman who can be used and discarded. So let's go through the tests one by one, from a man telling you how it actually works.
Test 1: The Smashing Test
We're accustomed to women talking a big game: I'm not like all the other girls, this is not going to be easy, I'm not sleeping with you on the first night. Then we press just a little bit and some of you fold like a cheap lawn chair. And the pressing is customized to your trigger points. If a man senses the best response he gets from you is when he love bombs you, here it comes: you're so stunning, I want to make you my wife, I can't believe the connection we're sharing on this very first day, it feels like we knew each other in a past life. The goal is to convince you this is already so deep that you don't need to vet, don't need to be patient, don't need to wait for anything.
Now here's the catch-22 I need you to understand, and this is mechanics, not morality. Even if he came in genuinely looking for a wife, when he gets full access very early with no work put in, his perception of the relationship shifts anyway, that's how the male mind processes it. And when a man concludes that you're easily controlled by him, he doesn't respect you. What he does recognize is that the control makes his life easier: he can utilize you for exactly what he wants and discard you when he doesn't feel like it any longer. This is why the vetting period is your armor. It's not about proving purity to anyone. It's about denying the shortcut that the wrong men are counting on.
Test 2: The Inconvenience Test
This one is twisted: he's gauging how much you'll put aside your needs, your wants, and what's important to you, to be there for him. Because the more you inconvenience yourself for him, the more his power grows, and the more he realizes he has control over you. And what do men do with that control? Take advantage.
Watch how it escalates. First it's, can I borrow $50, I get paid next week. Then it's, yo, these Jordans drop tomorrow, can you slide me 250? Then it's the PS5. Then it's, you think I could borrow your car while you're at work? Slowly but surely the asks get bigger, and each yes tells him exactly how far you're willing to bend. This is why I tell you all the time: do nothing for men, and they'll actually like you more. Do nothing for men, and they'll be more fascinated by you. The moment your mind goes to how can I do more for him to show him I'm the wife he wants, all he sees is the power he has over you, and power without respect is how women get used up.
Test 3: The Disappearing Act
If a man wants to measure his power, he'll disappear on you periodically and see if he can return with no consequences. Picture it: he asks you to the aquarium, Tuesday at 2 p.m. You're so excited, you love dolphins, you'll be there at 1:30. Tuesday comes, and nothing. You're holding your phone up to the sun wondering if your signal died. You leave a voice message. Silence. Then Wednesday he strolls back: oh, my bad, I had family stuff, maybe next week?
And you say, I guess next week we'll see some dolphins, and let him right back in. He's a magician now, disappearing and reappearing with zero consequences. Here's what he concluded from that little experiment, in his own words: if I can disappear on her and come right back, there's a good chance she has no self-worth, there's a hundred percent chance I can use her, and there's no need to respect her, because she doesn't even respect herself. Harsh? Yes. But now you know exactly what the no-show was really about, and exactly why the comeback has to cost him something.
Test 4: The Withdrawing Test
If he senses that pulling back makes you anxious, not texting, not calling, letting the silence stretch, he's learned your control panel. Oh my God, he's not texting me, he must not like me anymore, he must have another girl. And the moment your anxiety makes you push forward and chase, two things happen. He confirms how much power he has over you, and he restructures the entire relationship so you do all the chasing. And if you're chasing after him, what are you now? You're the man. Once that dynamic locks in, you're cooked, you're cooked, you're cooked.
This is why it is so important to have your own passions, your own hobbies, your own things you care about outside of boys. Outside of boys. I didn't say create hobbies that involve meeting more boys. You need something in your life that keeps you level, so that a man withdrawing his attention doesn't feel like the end of the world. You're handing people way too much power when the simple act of removing their attention can set you on a dark spiral.
Test 5: The Pushover Test
I know you think you're being peaceful and non-confrontational when you forgive him a second, a third, a fifth, an eighty-fifth time. But when a man messes up, part of what he's doing is gauging your reaction. How does she respond when I mistreat her? When I disrespect her? Men might be emotionally stunted, but they're not stupid. If your response is to let it go, let it pass, avoid the uncomfortable conversation, what you've communicated is: I never need to worry about doing the wrong thing here, because she forgives me anyway.
And he cannot respect you if he never faces consequences. How could he? Respect means your authority, your viewpoint, your feelings, and your desires actually matter to him, and they can only matter if crossing them costs him something real. A consequence-free woman is a pushover in his mental filing system, and men do not wife the woman they file there.
Test 6: The Last Minute Test
Men want to see if you'll accept last minute plans, because if you will, he can keep you in a low-quality situationship that requires zero effort or planning on his part. You know the pattern: 2 a.m., he's just left the club, and here comes the text. What you up to? Trying to pull up. He was too lazy to plan anything with you all week, but he expects you available the moment he's free. And when you are, here's his realization: she has nothing important enough in her life that she can't drop it for me. He won't respect that, because you're not respecting your own priorities.
Let me give you the analogy that makes this stick: DoorDash. You only open the DoorDash app when you're hungry and you want food fast, in under 40 minutes. You never think about DoorDash when you're not hungry. So don't act like DoorDash if you don't want to be treated like DoorDash, because I guarantee you he's only opening your contact when he's got an appetite. My advice stands forever: if a guy really wants to see you, he plans and schedules ahead of time. That takes work, effort, and commitment. Being reachable at 2 a.m. takes none. And underneath all six of these tests is one skill that protects you: controlling your emotions so they inform you without ruling you, because a man who learns your triggers can steer you anywhere, and a woman who governs her reactions cannot be steered at all.
Want this lesson as a guide?
I turned this exact video into a free guide you can download and keep.
Questions women ask me about this
- Why do men test women?
- Because men sort women into two categories, the ones they'll build with and the ones they'll take advantage of, and testing is how they sort. Every test measures the same thing: how much power do I have over her? Fold fast, fund his sneakers, accept his disappearances, and he concludes he can use you. Hold your standard and he concludes you're the one he has to respect.
- What are the signs a man is testing you?
- Watch for the classics: heavy love bombing designed to rush intimacy, escalating little favors and money asks, disappearing and reappearing like nothing happened, sudden withdrawal of attention to see if you chase, boundary violations to check if you'll confront him, and constant last minute invitations. Each one is a probe, and your reaction is the data he's collecting.
- How do you make a man respect you?
- Consequences, consistently applied. Respect is built when he learns your boundaries are real, your time requires planning, your resources are not his piggy bank, and disappearing on you costs him access. Keep passions outside of him so his withdrawal can't spiral you, and address disrespect head-on instead of swallowing it. Men respect what they cannot control.
- Should I be available when he texts me last minute?
- No. Accepting 2 a.m. pull-up texts and same-day plans tells him you have nothing in your life you value more than his convenience, and he'll build the entire situationship on that low-effort setting. Make seeing you something that requires scheduling in advance. The men who genuinely want you will plan for you. The DoorDash users will get bored and reveal themselves.
Your situation is more specific than a blog post
If you want my honest take on YOUR exact situation, ask me directly. You send me the whole story, and I send you back a private voice answer with exactly what I would do next, plus a written guide to keep.
Ask Me A Question
