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Give Me 24 Minutes and I'll Teach You How to Tell If a Guy Likes You
By Tomisin AtobateleFrom my video
You can tell a guy likes you by watching what his desire makes him do: he steps outside his comfort zone for you, asks personal questions he'd never ask a coworker, keeps checking if you're single, inconveniences himself for you, and finds any excuse to talk to you. Men do things out of motivation, and when the motivation is you, it leaks out everywhere.
Guys are supposed to be simple, but I know it gets complicated trying to guess whether he's actually flirting or just being nice. So let me use my understanding of how men think to show you exactly what to look for. By the end of this, you might just discover he's had a huge crush on you this entire time.
He Steps Outside His Comfort Zone for You
Say there's a guy at work who has a genuine disdain for sushi. Never tried it, never wanted to, convinced he'd throw up on contact. But you love sushi, you rave about it, and one day, because you're in the equation, he agrees to try it. Not for himself. For you. Your excitement rubbed off on him, and somewhere in his mind he's hoping this little step brings you two closer together.
Here's why that matters. Men have a natural desire to be comfortable. Give us the opportunity to do less, and we'll happily meet the bare minimum. So when a man voluntarily leaves his comfort zone, that's not randomness, that's desire overriding his default settings. It's the same reason men in relationships suddenly try things they'd never do alone or with the guys. Watch for the man who stretches himself in your direction. It's one of the subtlest signs, and one of the most reliable.
He Shows You a Softness Nobody Else Gets
Watch how he acts with everyone else compared to how he acts with you. At the party he's brash, confident, stern with his boys, life of the room. Then you two end up alone on the balcony, and suddenly he's telling you his insecurities, sharing things you'd never guess were inside that tough exterior.
That's not an accident. For a man, the world is dog eat dog, and we grow up feeling like we have to harden up, be a soldier, not feel things, just to survive out there. It's exhausting. So a man only reveals the soft side to a woman who warms his heart, somewhere he finally feels emotionally safe from being judged, shamed, or stepped on. If you're the one person who gets that version of him, you're not just a friend. You're the exception.
His Hypotheticals Always Star You
Listen closely to a man's hypothetical scenarios, because guys who like you will constantly run little simulations out loud. Yeah, I like to party, I enjoy my life. But hypothetically, if me and you were together, if you were my girlfriend, I'd probably trade the late nights for movie nights. We'd do date nights, you'd dress up for me. Hypothetically, of course.
After a while you'll notice his examples coincidentally always feature you as his romantic partner. That's called projecting. Men will project what they're feeling outwardly in a form that's less serious, more innocent, wrapped in a joke or a hypothetical, because it lets them say the thing without saying the thing. When his imagination keeps casting you as the girlfriend, that's not creativity. That's a confession with a laugh track.
His Questions Move From the Public You to the Personal You
There's a work version of you and a personal version of you, and the questions a man asks tell you which one he's after. Questions about projects, assignments, and deadlines are normal workplace conversation. But when he transitions to your family life, your hobbies, your friends, and especially, where do you spend your free time when you're not here, he's secretly getting to know you, and he's scouting for a way to see you outside the public setting.
And then there's the status check. He'll slip it in sideways: so you probably went there with your boyfriend, right? Oh, you don't have a boyfriend? Interesting. And it won't be a one-time question. A man who likes you keeps checking the status, because in his mind, a woman as attractive and intelligent as you should be getting snapped up any minute. It'll even puzzle him out loud: wait, how are you still single? He's not confused. He's confirming there's still room to make his move before someone else does.
He Inconveniences Himself for Your Comfort
Your car breaks down. This coworker lives south of the office, you live north, and he says, don't worry, I'll drive you home every day this week. That is a man driving in the literal opposite direction of his own life to make yours easier, and I need you to understand what it means.
I'm a man, so I'm telling you straight: he's never doing that just to be nice. Men do things out of motivation and inspiration, and in this scenario the motivation is his desire for you. Yes, men can be nice people, but the going-out-of-his-way kind of nice, the burn-my-own-gas kind of nice, flows specifically from feelings. When his actions consistently cost him something and benefit you, the case is closed.
He Keeps Tabs on Your Life
Notice the guy who always wants a full report. Haven't seen you since the weekend, what were you up to? You weren't answering messages last night, were you on a date? Who were you at the movies with? What are you doing on your day off, and who's driving you?
He's mapping what you do when he's not around, because every day he can account for is a day he can confirm there's no other man in the picture. His biggest fear is somebody swooping in and scooping you up while he was building the courage to ask you out. And I'll tell you this for free: guys do not bother keeping tabs on women they don't have feelings for. Your whereabouts are simply not relevant to a man's life unless his heart made them relevant.
He Finds Any Excuse to Talk to You
This one, guys are terrible at hiding. He'll use anything to start a conversation. You look like you're struggling there, need some help? You're not struggling with anything. He's having trouble with a math equation that turns out to be two plus two, and somehow the solution is that you two should study together, maybe over lunch.
If it feels like he's inventing reasons to come talk to you, that's exactly what's happening. Rather than being honest and saying, I like you and I want to take you out, he'll beat around the bush and talk to you about everything else under the sun until he's blue in the face. The excuses are the message. Read them.
He Separates You From the Crowd, and He Fixes Everything
Pay attention to how he describes you. A man who likes you will constantly set you apart from other women, even innocently. These girls nowadays are mid, but you're adventurous. Most girls aren't even funny, but you actually make me laugh. He keeps finding reasons to say you're different, because that's genuinely how his mind sees you, and a man's mind only elevates a woman like that when feelings are involved.
And then watch him become the fixer. Car trouble, money stress, a broken computer, a bad day, whatever the problem is, he shows up with urgency to solve it, hours under the hood if that's what it takes. You might think, that's just his personality, he's handy. No. For men, action is directly correlated to desire; we don't know how to separate feelings from action. I'm not saying his help is a bad thing. I'm saying use it as information. When a man is taking that much action for you, he isn't being nice for the sake of nice. He's being nice because he likes you.
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Questions women ask me about this
- How can you tell if a guy likes you or is just being nice?
- Run the inconvenience test. Politeness is free, but desire costs something. A man who likes you drives the opposite direction to take you home, tries things he hates because you love them, and fixes problems that aren't his. Men act from motivation, so when his niceness consistently costs him time, effort, or gas, it's feelings, not manners.
- What are the biggest signs a guy secretly likes you?
- He builds hypothetical scenarios where you're his girlfriend, asks personal questions instead of surface ones, keeps checking whether you're single, keeps tabs on what you do when he's not around, invents excuses to talk to you, and constantly tells you how different you are from other women. Any one can be coincidence. Several together never are.
- Why does he keep asking if I'm single?
- Because in his mind, a woman he finds this attractive should be taken any minute, and he's terrified of missing his window. So he checks the status again and again, usually sideways, through questions about your weekend or who you were with. He's confirming there's still space for him to make a move before someone else does.
- Do guys show their feelings through actions instead of words?
- Almost exclusively. Men don't know how to separate feelings from action, so desire shows up as doing: rides, favors, fixes, check-ins, stepping out of his comfort zone. If you want the truth about how a man feels, ignore the speeches he isn't giving and read the actions he can't stop taking.
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